I’m thinkin of starting something here… Adventures of a fictional guy (whom i’m feeling too lazy to name, so i’ll be writing in first person). The situations he gets into are inspired by real-life events, stories or just plain,made-up. The Idea for this particular one came to me after reading an sms… Hope you like it. 😀 Comments are appreciated!
I really loved this girl. I saw her for the first time when i was in jail for my first fight. She was there, occupying the cell opposite me. Our eyes met, and it was love at first sight. Or rather, love at first fight. Same thing. Anyway, her swollen face looked really pretty, and when she batted her blackened eyes, she simply took my heart away. I tried talking to her, but something stopped me. It wasn’t my heart or anything, but i was beaten up so bad, that i couldn’t talk at all. All i could do was smile and drool. I tried doing that in as romantic a way as possible.
Finally, after a fortnight in jail, staring at those blood shot eyes, i realized that i was completely in love with her. I proposed to her in sign language(the classic “one-four-three”). She gave me some attitude in sign language.(the classic middle finger) The police inspector told me to shut up in sign language.(he had paan in his mouth)
Finally, when my family saw fit to bail me out, the first thing i did was to search out that girl. Well, make that the second thing. First thing was to get my broken bones mended by a doc. Anyways, i tried searching in all respectable( and non-respectable) places for her. She was not to be found.
Then i stumbled upon a fight taking place in my back yard. They were beating the puberty outta my younger brother. But when i reached there, i was astounded. The girl of my dreams! The way she slapped one of my brother’s friends senseless… Swear words and obscenities falling sweetly from her lips… the thwack of her sandal on a poor man’s skull… seeing all this, i totally forgot about my brother, and stood gazing at her open-mouthed.(it wasn’t a good idea, keeping your mouth open when a fight is in progress… a stone flew through the air and broke one of my newly repaired teeth)
As i stood there, spitting blood outta my mouth, i heard d girl bellow” The **** police is *** here! every*** body run fer their **** lives!!!” I followed. She ran and ran. I ran and ran. She finally sought refuge inside a foul smelling gutter. Jumping down beside her, i said” So wots your answer?”
She turned to look at me, i thought i was done for… But then, she came forward, and kissed me… Being kissed by a very dirty girl, in a muck filled gutter…with rats and mice running around… Could it be anymore romantic?
Anyway… we became a couple from then on. We did everything together, be it stealing cars, or beating someone up.(speaking of beating, i haven’t yet found out wot happened to my brother. any info about an over sized boy, resembling a martian, please report to me.thank u)
Our love grew. But i promised myself, that i loved her truly, deeply. I told myself that i didn’t lust after her body. Which is why, i decided to sleep with her at the very first opportunity.(its the thoughts which count,eh?)
So,anyway… on the decided day of our inter…er…action, she called up n said” Majid! My ****ing darling! Where the *** are u? My ***** of a mom has gone to ****. So the ****ing house is empty! are u coming or not?”
I was speechless at her loving words. I told her that i was on my way. Stopping only to empty an AXE deo onto myself, i left my place, with hope in my eyes and passion in my..err…heart.
When i came to her place, i read the following word of caution on her building wall.
It was like a warning from the past… it was like the word had a very deep connection with me. It was as if someone was trying to warn me of coming danger. Like the true detective i was, i ignored the sign and plunged forward.
The door was open. I entered. There, i saw, not the girl of my dreams, but the younger sister of the girl of my dreams. (who also came in my dreams when d elder one was busy)
I suddenly realized that the younger one was way more sexier than the older one. She asked me”where did u come from?”
I pointed to my rear. Sorry, lemme rephrase that. I pointed to the way i came.
She gave me a big smile, her eyes inviting me onward into the land of the forbidden. I felt happy. The AXE deo i had stolen was coming in handy after all. She asked me if i had rubber. I thought to tell her that i don’t run a stationary shop, then realized that she must be referring to a condom (Oh stop cringing in your seats guys!)
Anyway, on hearing those words (Would you have a rubber, please?), something stirred deep in my heart. I just remembered something, something i was doing, which was wrong. I did an about-turn, and ran out of the house at roughly the speed of light. There, i found the real girl of my dreams waiting for me with open arms.
She embraced me and said” My **** love! i knew u were not a ****, but a real ***ing lover! I ****ing love ya!”
MORAL OF THE STORY:-
ALWAYS BETTER TO KEEP CONDOMS IN THE BIKE OUTSIDE, THAN IN JEANS POCKET. U CAN AVOID BREAKUPS AND ARE SAVED FROM GETTING BEATEN UP.
PS:- Now that i think of it, i don’t think the younger sister was referring to a condom after all…
Till next tyme….